Wednesday, March 16, 2011

How do you define yourself?

As far back as I can remember all I wanted to be is a mom.  I used to feel sorry for people that had to search for who they have to "find themselves." I have always known who I was and what I wanted. I remember after I graduated high school one of my relatives asked me what I wanted to do with my life?  I replied, " I want to me a mom." Her response, " No, I mean what are your goals, what do you want to be?  I know  what she was really asking was, what paying job are you working toward?  At that point I viewed jobs, education and even dating as a means to an end.  I needed these thing to be what I wanted to be....a mom.
I am now a mom of the three most wonderful girls. I have realized my dream, reached my goals, and if I could just stay here I would be forever in my glory, revel in my sweet spot.  However, the reality is I am not only a mom, but a child, a friend, and a wife. However,  now I am told these things are not "who" I am,but simply roles I play in life. Now I am not suppose to define myself as a mom (my sweet spot) or wife(my comfort zone),or a  friend(I relish in), but who is Lisa (????)   At 34 years old I am being asked yet again, " what do you want to do with your life, what do you want to be? I am questioning who I am. Not what I want to do or who I want to be or roles I play, but truly I am trying to "find myself"   How does one find themselves?  That just sound absurd to me... These are things I know about myself without questions: I am spiritual, loving, caring, loyal, nurturing, edifying, and also stubborn, analytical, and always working toward being more patient. At the end of the day I look back and try to see ways to learn and better myself.  To me, that is WHO I am. I have  never questioned who I was or what I wanted....until now.  I stay firm in my role as a's all I ever wanted and I have learned to want to be a wife and strive to always better myself in both of those roles. Although in today's society that is not good enough.  Why? because neither one of those roles make money.  Who you are in today's world is defined by what you do to make money.  Success in life is defined in monetary value. These last 6 months I have not felt good enough or felt that I have held any value or self worth. Why, simply because I need money.  I thought when I started writing this maybe I would find myself....and in a way I have.  I have realized who I am has not changed,but how I define myself has. Who I am or the roles I play in life can not be defined by monetary value.  In the past, I had always felt sorry for people that judged their success in life by their pay check, but I have found myself in that very same trap.  I have been in a pit of quicksand and sinking fast. The Love of money may be the root to all evil, but I think the focus of the lack there of may be the short cut to the root.

Lord, these are things I know to be true, I just don't know how to live them out????

(Mark9:24) “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
(Luke 16.13)
 24You cannot be the slave of two masters! You will like one more than the other or be more loyal to one than the other. You cannot serve both God and 

(Luke 12.22-31)
 25I tell you not to worry about your life. Don't worry about having something to eat, drink, or wear. Isn't life more than food or clothing? 26Look at the birds in the sky! They don't plant or harvest. They don't even store grain in barns. Yet your Father in heaven takes care of them. Aren't you worth more than birds?    27Can worry make you live longer? [e] 28Why worry about clothes? Look how the wild flowers grow. They don't work hard to make their clothes. 29But I tell you that Solomon with all his wealth [f] wasn't as well clothed as one of them. 30God gives such beauty to everything that grows in the fields, even though it is here today and thrown into a fire tomorrow. He will surely do even more for you! Why do you have such little faith? 31Don't worry and ask yourselves, "Will we have anything to eat? Will we have anything to drink? Will we have any clothes to wear?" 32Only people who don't know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father in heaven knows that you need all of these. 33But more than anything else, put God's work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well.
    34Don't worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to worry about today.

My poor neglected life...I mean blog

Well simply stated, this year has been hard.  We are already half way through the third month of 2011 and my poor blog has been so neglected. No recap of the past year, no update of the future,no happy new year, no new years resolutions, not even a hi how ya doing! I am truly sorry and all I can say is it took me awhile to embrace this year. Honestly, I wanted to stick my head in the sand and wait for a better year.  Alas, I can't do that so here I am getting my head out of my a**...I mean out of the sand. Don't get to excited, I am still on the beach with my toes in the sand and a glass of wine in hand.  I have not fully embraced reality just yet, but don't worry I am headed in that direction.  Sometimes getting back in the swing of things just makes me dizzy!  5 more minutes on the beach steps....swimming, swimming, just keep swimming.....

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.